I'm not sleepy yet but i know i'm gonna coma very soon.

I know many of my friends are now reading my blog.

But just because you read my blog, doesn't give you the chance to put me under the eye of scrutiny. and you think you know everything about me? oh c'mon not even close.

And when i have nothing else but history, you judge me like you knew me since a long way back!

Pardon me if this doesn't make sense,I'm writing this with half of my brain asleep.

I had a crap day, in fact it's so bad i don't wanna talk about it.

And then, here i'm bawling my eyes out in an uncontrollable torrent of snot and salty fluids. too often, i get caught up by people's opinions of me but am i really to be blamed? it is easy to say we shouldn't bother because we are what we think of ourselves to be. but it's an uphill task because everywhere we go, the only constant that surrounds us are people. and the human nature is viscious like that. we judge and we comment and this will never change through space or time.

For the first time in a long time, i hope that this post will be an assurance to the ones, who really matter to me and who have,namely mel and cheryl for themselves, witnessed the one-woman act i performed.

I do apologise to the new people i have met during this awkward phase of my life, if you do stick around, perhaps i could awaken your knowledge to who i am, then you can decide if you'd really like to stick around or not.

I believe in fighting for what you believe in, saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. i know, i've been going on about looking like a certain someone, holding same characteristics, the same emotional traumas we've been through and even thinking of the same thing at the same time. but i'm not her!

I really do mean it when i think that we are alike, and i really love her alot alot too. but some things like chalk and cheese, you just can't lump everything together, thinking they're all the same. and the fact is, you were barely even close to close, to the both of us. i think you must have looked like an idiot when you went around telling your friends about me. and you dare come tell me straight in the face that you love me and i'm one of your favourite friend? for this friend that is like my twin, i like her, because unlike you, she's the honest straight shooter.

For the friend that's like glue that has kept me together, i like her, meltan, because unlike you, she's the most loyal friend that i have known. since the day we met, she has showered me with her unconditional love and support. i must say, she is one in a million-billion-trillion, because no one understands me better.

And for the friend that has kept me company till 4am on fridays or saturdays and also sundays, i like her jilltan and also katleow, because they bring a light into the lives of every person they meet simply by being their chirpy selves.

It took me great effort to fight back the temptation to spit at your face.

Honestly feel as if im on an emotional see-saw for the past few hours. first i came back from church, feeling quite nothing-nothing as if i just got onto the see-saw. then i went all the way up a couple of hours ago because of THE NEWS. now im all the way back down on the see-saw becausei have an outlet for me to release this myraid of emotions.

And also i have very reassuring friends. yes i must remember to count my blessings, because i will be keeping these people for good.

I hope the following days would be easier to get by!