i didn't get enough sleep and im feeling damn edgy now! and i'm feeling most irritable today and small tiny things will piss me off if i gotta deal with them.

this entry is so half fucked.

next up in my calender is a one month (hopefully shorter) study month for the upcoming exams in may. mugging for a series of really tough modules yano. followed by 2 family bonding weeks in china. and the long anticipated trip to melbourne. so come find me if you're a good friend, if i'm feeling good i might just head to perth even for a few days.

okay so i am on my first page of my ibm notes now. usually qualitative papers are really fun for me. i know i sound like some geek but its true because i have always loved reading, even if its about non-fiction. but the reason for my frustration is simply because i just spent the last few months doing nothing and having so much fun. and one month later its the exams and im not sure how im going to find time to study for it. major fuckeroonies to that because i don't even know what's important and what's not yet. i know im going really screwed for my marketing papers. struggling to read on because i am so distracted by useless things such as blogging and blog surfing and all that shit

the past two days i've been sleeping at six in the morning. friday was spent with jill and kenneth. and a long time no see andre bally. 3 hours of shisha and cards. and you know what? a 25minute session of shisha intoxicates you with 70% more nicotine than a 10minute cigarette session would. so there's no point in quitting cigarettes for better health because all that nicotine comes from somewhere else. but still quit la, to save your health.

there were many reasons to stay home and i do have exams starting next month and truth be told, i am not at all prepared for it. but a church friend by the name of gina called to meet up on saturday,i guess all the above reasons kinda flew out the window and i decided in a split second to head down to TM after i deliberately missed my stop at kembangan. it turned out to be a sweet deal because i met samuel and larry there. so saturday was then spent playing cards and drinking red wine at sam's place. for me, i was fed happy with the usual doses of daidi, indianpoker and pointtoyournose heartattack and reverse seven-clap. i like.


that's bad.

i went to church on sunday and met sam again. actually, i met everyone there and everybody seems to know somebody from church.


shit i typed this bloody long entry in like minutes.

see la do the bloody term paper also never do so fast

it's the time of the year!!


okay quite apparently my papers next month is the last thing on my mind at present.

i wish i had the courage to tell you so many things, like, you make me want to be a better person,or that if i had to make a choice from the start, it wouldn't be that hard,because i know i'd definitely choose you all over again.

i kept telling everyone the past is gone, but me, i'm really scared. i'm scared of everything. i'm scared of what i saw, i'm scared of what i did, of who i am, and most of all i'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way i feel when i'm with you.

that being said, this season, i pray my child-like faith will unceasingly carry me through all odds.


i think God is really amazing. if not for him, i wouldn't be where i am now. everything i have experienced with God has made me stronger and has moulded me into who i am today. i'm sure i have many more fights ahead of me, and still much to learn and discover.

i'm not sure how it happened. i woke up this morning and *DING* it felt like someone gave me an injection of happy drugs and a million dollars. the sundayschool kids have been fantastic these last few weeks. The weather sparkling. stuff happening in church. i think it's because church has been taking my mind off caleb and enriching my life. i'm feeling sooOOOooo good. easter party coming right up. this year, my little cousins are all gonna be there. and therefore makes this easter extremely special!






i could be happy with you. i am happy with just you. but yes i must remember to count my blessings.

this rocked socks.

spooked me silly.

I'm so upset right now, i can't help but do up another entry!

you know what? so what if i go into stone mode every 10 minutes, with eyelids half shut and mouth open? so what if i look retarded whenever i do that? so effing what!. you know, so what ok!.

did you take a step back to ask yourself if what you were doing was acceptable? you said we were good friends and then you come up with the meanest things. contradictions piled up till it's saturation point.

your sugar coated words can go to the dogs.

I'm not sleepy yet but i know i'm gonna coma very soon.

I know many of my friends are now reading my blog.

But just because you read my blog, doesn't give you the chance to put me under the eye of scrutiny. and you think you know everything about me? oh c'mon not even close.

And when i have nothing else but history, you judge me like you knew me since a long way back!

Pardon me if this doesn't make sense,I'm writing this with half of my brain asleep.

I had a crap day, in fact it's so bad i don't wanna talk about it.

And then, here i'm bawling my eyes out in an uncontrollable torrent of snot and salty fluids. too often, i get caught up by people's opinions of me but am i really to be blamed? it is easy to say we shouldn't bother because we are what we think of ourselves to be. but it's an uphill task because everywhere we go, the only constant that surrounds us are people. and the human nature is viscious like that. we judge and we comment and this will never change through space or time.

For the first time in a long time, i hope that this post will be an assurance to the ones, who really matter to me and who have,namely mel and cheryl for themselves, witnessed the one-woman act i performed.

I do apologise to the new people i have met during this awkward phase of my life, if you do stick around, perhaps i could awaken your knowledge to who i am, then you can decide if you'd really like to stick around or not.

I believe in fighting for what you believe in, saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. i know, i've been going on about looking like a certain someone, holding same characteristics, the same emotional traumas we've been through and even thinking of the same thing at the same time. but i'm not her!

I really do mean it when i think that we are alike, and i really love her alot alot too. but some things like chalk and cheese, you just can't lump everything together, thinking they're all the same. and the fact is, you were barely even close to close, to the both of us. i think you must have looked like an idiot when you went around telling your friends about me. and you dare come tell me straight in the face that you love me and i'm one of your favourite friend? for this friend that is like my twin, i like her, because unlike you, she's the honest straight shooter.

For the friend that's like glue that has kept me together, i like her, meltan, because unlike you, she's the most loyal friend that i have known. since the day we met, she has showered me with her unconditional love and support. i must say, she is one in a million-billion-trillion, because no one understands me better.

And for the friend that has kept me company till 4am on fridays or saturdays and also sundays, i like her jilltan and also katleow, because they bring a light into the lives of every person they meet simply by being their chirpy selves.

It took me great effort to fight back the temptation to spit at your face.

Honestly feel as if im on an emotional see-saw for the past few hours. first i came back from church, feeling quite nothing-nothing as if i just got onto the see-saw. then i went all the way up a couple of hours ago because of THE NEWS. now im all the way back down on the see-saw becausei have an outlet for me to release this myraid of emotions.

And also i have very reassuring friends. yes i must remember to count my blessings, because i will be keeping these people for good.

I hope the following days would be easier to get by!

pardon me for the one month hiatus.



this is korea. look at its myriad of colours.



the guide.



mum. and snowhite?



dad and brother.



VAInarcissitic.